Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
