i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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