My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
