One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
