Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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