Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
