I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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