hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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