Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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