but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
