You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.