Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am naked and annoyed.
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