I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
