hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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