Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
