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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(

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• (469): View more from Texas

  After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  ...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  i think im in europe. pls send help

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten

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