I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not