Texts From Last Night

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  (863): View more from Florida

  haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people

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  (863): haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people http://tfl.nu/1coi
  Replies (52) Good night (1604) Bad night (1355)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.

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  (205): at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me. http://tfl.nu/ujwu
  Replies (21) Good night (3024) Bad night (970)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.

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  (405): I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/im6u
  Replies (43) Good night (4568) Bad night (763)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

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  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7509) Bad night (1480)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome

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  (816): we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome http://tfl.nu/vmah
  Replies (77) Good night (6134) Bad night (1935)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.

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  (305): Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level. http://tfl.nu/s74q
  Replies (5) Good night (2890) Bad night (822)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

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  (513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n
  Replies (6) Good night (4342) Bad night (750)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.

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  (205): And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k7i0
  Replies (0) Good night (1489) Bad night (550)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....

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  (727): pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club.... http://tfl.nu/k1jz
  Replies (2) Good night (1853) Bad night (502)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex

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  (402): let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex http://tfl.nu/z1hh
  Replies (13) Good night (3040) Bad night (735)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you

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  (517): To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you http://tfl.nu/rkbn
  Replies (11) Good night (1970) Bad night (389)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding

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  (416): Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding http://tfl.nu/gcol
  Replies (0) Good night (345) Bad night (185)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.

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  (775): Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat. http://tfl.nu/8a5u
  Replies (4) Good night (703) Bad night (174)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.

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  (847): So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along. http://tfl.nu/d3ni
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (202)
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  (619): View more from California

  He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.

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  (619): He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no. http://tfl.nu/auat
  Replies (1) Good night (194) Bad night (368)

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