Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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