Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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