I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i think im in europe. pls send help
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten