i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher