Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar

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  (703): I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar http://tfl.nu/9wq5
  Replies (4) Good night (3077) Bad night (535)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

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  (647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek
  Replies (32) Good night (18350) Bad night (875)
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  (631): View more from New York

  if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

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  (631): if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you http://tfl.nu/ij50
  Replies (27) Good night (3336) Bad night (4092)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.

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  (770): Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again. http://tfl.nu/e3vl
  Replies (22) Good night (3781) Bad night (851)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

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  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4615) Bad night (1005)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.

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  (775): At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive. http://tfl.nu/xg7u
  Replies (4) Good night (2560) Bad night (1376)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.

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  (516): She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her. http://tfl.nu/vneo
  Replies (3) Good night (830) Bad night (2958)
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  (212): View more from New York

  at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver

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  (212): at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver http://tfl.nu/1ssj
  Replies (10) Good night (2181) Bad night (1182)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I was the one passing out cake at the bars

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  (720): I was the one passing out cake at the bars http://tfl.nu/ucfe
  Replies (4) Good night (2337) Bad night (744)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station

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  (480): my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station http://tfl.nu/uhsm
  Replies (4) Good night (1966) Bad night (1235)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.

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  (717): Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/7fz1
  Replies (9) Good night (6094) Bad night (866)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao

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  (631): Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao http://tfl.nu/axpp
  Replies (7) Good night (1386) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this

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  (540): I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this http://tfl.nu/doar
  Replies (5) Good night (2109) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.

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  (516): You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween. http://tfl.nu/nl92
  Replies (7) Good night (931) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Fair enough.

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  (860): If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face. (1-860): Fair enough. http://tfl.nu/elro
  Replies (0) Good night (627) Bad night (383)

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