wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are two peas in an std pod
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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