I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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