dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
