whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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