okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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