You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
