the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
