one two three fourrrrnication!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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