How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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