i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
