I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
