He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
