Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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