so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
