I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
