JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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