woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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