I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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