Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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