I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
