I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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