when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I party with great urgency now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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