We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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