in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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