just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
