WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
