I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
