sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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