He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
