i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
