the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
