we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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