what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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