is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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