Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
