Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
