Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
