i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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