I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
