Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
