Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
