Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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