I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
