we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
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He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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